


Sex and Death or I like knives or Phallic Symbols, the Musical

by Yukito



Category: Ostirynxys
Genre: This is based off of Barba's Ostirynxys. It is tongue and cheek and you might not get a lot of it if, it's something even if you haven't read it. It gives you the sense of the play for sure. >.>
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-13
Updated: 2009-03-13
Packaged: 2019-05-02 19:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14552400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yukito/pseuds/Yukito
Summary: This is an old Fic I wrote that I'm uploading here and lol if I remember this play at all or what the hell I was thinking, but here you go.





	Sex and Death or I like knives or Phallic Symbols, the Musical

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old Fic I wrote that I'm uploading here and lol if I remember this play at all or what the hell I was thinking, but here you go.

**Title:** Sex and Death or I like knives or Phallic Symbols, the Musical  
 **Author:** Snowbunny22  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Characters:** Antigone, Polynices (Antigone's brother), Joan of Arc (The armed virgin), Judas (As the stone), Sabbatai Zevi (The Messiah), Hassidim (Jewish tailor), Canfaceiros (Brazillian warrior)  
 **Pairing:** Everyone.. and a rock  
 **Words:** 975  
 **Warnings:** This is based off of Barba's Ostirynxys. It is tongue and cheek and you might not get a lot of it if you haven't seen the play.. but I promise you it is.. well, it's something even if you haven't read it. It gives you the sense of the play for sure.  >.>

  
In a little Jewish shop was a little Jewish man who stitched clothes together for a living. He was a simple man, a pious man, a man who was generally quiet and kept to himself. All day long he'd be one with the needle and thread. He didn't want anything more out of life. But that was not what the fates had in store. No. He was in for a whirlwind.

One day in his little shop in a nondescript town in a country that spoke languages no one could remember, Hassidim was making the finishing touches on a pretty pink dress when Polynices barged into the store, sword drawn. He was screaming and waving it around like it was a wand and not an instrument of death. Hassidim ducked and crawled under the skirt of the dress.

"She's coming! I know she's coming! She _never leaves me alone_!" Polynices turned to the door and locked it quickly. But it was too late. Antigone was already behind him dressed in all white.

"Polynices!"

He jumped. "Antigone!" He laughed, "Fancy meeting you here.."

"DEATH TO THE SINNERS!" The ceiling crashed down around them in a snowfall of plaster and when the dust settled Joan of Arc stood with her hands on her hips, looking at the brother and sister defiantly. "Where are the sinners? They must be destroyed. REVELATIONS SAYS SO." She glared. And glared. And sternly glared some more. Then there was a pause. A long pause. So long Hassidim was able to stich one quarter of the hem from inside the dress.

Joan of Arc looked at Polynices, who looked back at her. She suddenly smiled. "Hi there. Fancy meeting you here."

Polynices gaped. "...Didn't you die?"

"Death is a metaphysical concept."

"I saw you burn to death."

Joan shrugged, "I also hung myself, but it didn't stop my head from singing, did it?"

"..but you have your body back."

Joan smiled again. "I know. And isn't it great? Let's have metaporhical sex."

Before Antigone could say anything, her brother and Joan rushed off into the back room. "Polynices!" she cried back, but her voice was drowned out by a man with red hair who suddenly appeared.

The man with red dreadlocks and black lipstick sat on the counter with a dozen swords around him. He was chanting. Chanting like he'd never chanted before. No, wait. It wasn't chanting. The gurgling noises he made were drowning out the sex in the back room. Antigone felt a little disappointed.

"Messiah, you must give me an answer to the meaning of life. I've tracked you down for so long. I've chased my brother, fought you and your many hands. I need answers."

The Messiah grinned like the Chesire cat and laughed, low and omniously. "The answer to life is -" There was a sudden crash as a large rock, the size of a small dog, came flying through the window. "- JUDAS!" The Messiah jumped off the counter and ran towards it. No sooner had he reached it than he was bent over, tongue carressing the rock, mouth devouring the hard surface. "Oh Judas, how I missed you! I promise never to shove a sword in you again!"

Antigone frowned, "But what about -"

Hassidim screamed from under the dress. He'd pricked himself with the needle.

Antigone took a step towards the Messiah, "Life! What about Life!"

"Antigone!" Cangacieros ran through the back with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. "Antigone! I love you!"

Antigone gasped "Cangaceiros! I thought they killed you after you took the place of Christ on the crucifix!"

"I did die, but then I did some 'favours' for the Messiah and his rock - which believe me sounds more fun than it really was - and now I'm back!"

"How fantastic! Let's go have sex!"

"Wait, Joan and Polynices are doing it!"

Antigone looked down at her wrist watch. "Trust me, Polynices is done."

Just as she finished saying that, Joan and Polynices returned from the back, only now they were dueling with swords and there was no love in their eyes. Their swords clanged together and it was all Antigone and Cangceiros could do to get out of their way. Joan and Polynices battled, blocking the entrance to the backroom, so Antigone and Cangcerios disappeared behind the counter instead. Who needed privacy?

Polynices thrusted the sword into Joan of Arc's chest and she stumbled backwards, knocking over the pink dress. Hassidim's eyes widened. He was sitting on the floor, indian style, with a three course meal and a bottle of wine pressed against his lips. They all stared at him for a moment before Polynices stabbed himself and fell to the ground.

The Messiah, who was still rather enamoured with Judas, began singing a song in ancient Greece while he left the stone to crawl over the dead bodies of Joan and Polynices. He laughed, pulling the sword out from Joan and throwing it over the counter. Antigone screamed and Cangeiros stood, impaled. "Not again!" And he was dead.

Antigone's eyes widened. She felt a chill run down her spine, and she flew from behind the counter, running towards the Messiah in rage. "YOU BASTARD!"

The Messiah merely laughed as Antigone tried to strangle him.

"Wait! He's the Messiah!" Joan, who was formerly dead, jerked up and pulled Antigone away. "Don't kill him!"

"He killed my lover!"

Joan laughed, "And I killed your brother! Metaphorically speaking."

"I hate you all!" Antigone picked up the sword and stabbed Joan again, who fell back and died.. again.

The Messiah, meanwhile, had taken the wine glass from Hassidim and offered the somehow differently red liquid to Antigone. "Drink?"

Antigone screamed in flurried rage and ran the Messiah through with the sword, killing him. With no one left, she stabbed herself a died.

No one else.. except Hassidim. Who slowly stood up, surrounded in a circle of dead bodies, and swallowed the delicious turkey dinner. Then he picked up the pink dress and started to dance with it.


End file.
